This is going to be pathetic… so read at your own risk.
You may call me a whiner or a cry baby or ungrateful over-dramatic. Call me what you will but I’m just going to write what’s really on my heart right now. I might be pathetic, but this whole post is the truth. It may seem like a middle school kid of problem… and that’s exactly why I’m so confused.
I miss my friends. I’d like to say that I don’t know where they’ve been or why I miss them. I’d like to say that it’s just because we’re all so busy that there’s no time in the day. I’d like to say that things will be normal again and I know it.
Well I can’t really say any of those things, because they’re not true.
I know where they’ve been. They’ve been having so much fun talking to each other and making plans and going out together. They’ve been having fun doing all of these things with new friends or better friends. They’ve been super busy with other obligations as well. But what happened to me in that mix of fun?
I feel pathetic writing this. I feel so incredibly pathetic and kind of embarrassed. But I feel left out. Some people may be like “whhaaaattt that’s bull!” But it’s not really…
To whom it may concern –
I miss you. I wish you had time for our friendship and the fun times that we have together. I wish that between the craziness of life and the new and other friends that there could still be crazy Erin time. Crazy Erin is going crazy over here listening to her friends make plans during class as they turn her backs to her. I wish that it would cross your mind to include me, but I know that I can’t always be included. It’s just been a very long time since I have been involved and I’m not sure why.
I’m just worn down trying. Trying to initiate contact and forcing a connecting when you all seem reluctant. I feel like I beg to hang out with you, and you’ll typically still say no. It’s pathetic, like this blog post. You can read our text messages if you don’t believe me. This effort is wearing me very thin and I can’t keep on going pretending that you still care about my life or care hang out with me once in blue moon.
We used to spend all day together. We used to spend multiple days together. Now I only see you in class. We used to be spontaneous and go on adventures and do things that made me smile and grew our friendship. Now you’re too busy. We used to have inside jokes and sleepovers. Now I wonder if you remember any of them.
Maybe it’s a part of growing up. But maybe it’s not. Maybe you think you’re more mature than me, and therefore shouldn’t spend your time with me. But maybe you’re not. Maybe you don’t like one of my other friends, you know, the ones who pour effort into our relationship and treat our relationship with importance equivalent to a boyfriend. But maybe you need to learn that we can all be friends by grace. You’re being hurtful. I’ve heard you say things and act ways that I never thought I’d see, especially towards someone that you used to call a best friend.
I’m just a little offended that our friendship meant that little to so many of you. Did I do something wrong? Did I do something to upset you? Where did you go?
And to those of you who HAVE made the effort to be my friend: thank you. I am so incredibly grateful to know who I am important to. It’s nice to have people that talk to me because they care about my life as opposed to when they need something. It’s awesome to know that there are people who would treat a friendship with the same importance that they’d give to a boyfriend. You fight to stay in my life and I’ll always be fighting to stay in yours.
I love you all so dearly; new friends, old friends, bad friends, awesome friends. You’re all my friends and I will continue to pour love onto you because I do. There’s nothing that can stop that. I just wish that you’d realize that you’ve benched me.
Okay I’ll stop being pathetic now.
If someone hangs out with me.
And no… Anna doesn’t count. She just kind of shows up. 😉