Fingers Crossed!

It’s waiting for me… It’s probably been postmarked… I’m so nervous to get this letter.
I’d LOVE more than anything to attend the University of Washington. I’ve been a little bit obsessed with that school since I was 10 years old. But there are so many things that are keeping that from being a reality.
The biggest problem, first and foremost, is that I have no idea whether I am getting in or not. But like I said, it’s been post-marked and should be at my house very soon.
The next problem is finances. I do not have the money to go to a school like that right off the bat. I really wish that I did, but I just don’t. So even if that wonderful letter letting me know that I could possibly be a Husky is a positive letter, I don’t know if I can do anything with it. I do not have money to pay for school and I do not have money to pay for college. 
The third thing is weather. Lame reason, I know. But I don’t know if I could handle the amount of rain that Seattle gets. I would be sad all of the time, because I have freaky mood weather relation things… but I adore Seattle. I adore UW. I adooooore it! I’d love to be there. I need to be somewhere sunnier if I want to be happier; that’s how my body works.
The fourth thing is I need a car. I know this probably sounds really dumb to a lot of  people (like reason three) but I do not like to be without transportation at a moments’ notice. I need to be able to drive home at any second. Maybe it’s a fear-based need, but nonetheless, a need. 
The fifth thing is my indecisive brain. Sure, if I had some plan of what I want to do with my life, I’d be way more likely to head off to a 4-year school. But the truth is, I have no idea what the rest of my life is going to look like or what I will be doing. I know one thing: I aspire to inspire. My goal is to leave the planet a better place than I found it and help people with the skills I have been given. I don’t know what that looks like practically and I know that 694505452 other people have probably said that same thing. So I don’t know what that looks like at this point and it’d cost me a lot more money than it needs to if I tried figure that out at a 4-year university as opposed to getting those same general education credits at a 2-year college. 
This is where I’m stuck. I know that once it’s figured it, I’ll look back on this struggle and I’ll laugh a little bit (I hope!) but with whatever I decide to do, I’ll be fine!

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Looming Question 3

Essay practice! (Kinda) Like what we did in class!

1. “Select a novel or play in which a tragic figure functions as an instrument of the suffering of others. Then write an essay in which you explain how the suffering brought upon others by that figure contributes to the tragic vision of the work as a whole.”

Purpose: Explain
Book: Frankenstein
Tragic Figure: Frankenstein’s monster
Suffering he causes: Death of Victor’s brother, death of Victor’s wife, terror among townspeople
How it contributes to whole: Each event cumulates. The monster didn’t know his own strength with the first murders, and they become more intentional. His first kill wasn’t meant to kill and the repetition of killing makes the story hit home more and more. His final murder was intentional and a lover, hitting what could be the strongest heartstring that Victor possesses.

2.  “In  many works of literature, past events can affect, positively or negatively, the  present activities, attitudes, or values of a character. Choose a novel or play  in which a character must contend with some aspect of the past, either personal  or societal. Then write an essay in which you show how the character’s  relationship to the past contributes to the meaning of the work as a whole.”

Purpose: show
Book: Their Eyes were Watching God
Character’s relationship with past: Janie is always being shoved into one category or another. She was a child, then a women, then black. Never unlabeled throughout her life.
Contend with it: she proves to society that those labels don’t define her.
How it contributes to whole: Janie’s entire life was run for her as a child, and she hated that. After her grandmother planned out her life then passed away, Janie ran away because she didn’t like that she had no choice. As a woman, she was labelled as “delicate” but she proved that she was not. She was black and lived in Eatonville with her “manly” husband that treated her like a soft rose. She hated that being black and being a women defined how she had to live her life so she left. She had to come to terms with the fact that she was born into this life and this realization drove her choices throughout the novel that told her story.

The Dog Days are Over

“I DON’T WANT TO GO!”

“Erin… you have to go…”

“Nope. Not going. I hate people and I hate work and I hate..”

“Stop saying hate.”

…HAAAATE.”

“Now you’re just being immature… go to work, Erin, you’re almost done with Kohl’s!”

NO! I’d rather wallow in self-pity. While I was wallowing, I said some things that I didn’t mean. I don’t haaate work. I don’t hate people. But man working in retail can make it really difficult sometimes to want to go there. The worst part about going in on this particular night was that I was working in the kids section! Two fitting rooms, boys clothes, girls clothes, toys, and baby clothes are all my responsibility. Um okay, you try to clean all of that up in 4 hours with little children running around you when you’re used to folding towels and rugs peacefully back in the home department. Working kids was not my cup of tea.

As a begrudgingly walked in, I scanned the children’s department on my way. I stopped a coworker who was on her way out and asked what the hurricane that came through was called, and why Red Cross hadn’t arrived yet. I slowly checked out my electronics that keep me connected to everyone on the floor. I clocked in and got to work. A child’s shirt here, boys jeans there. A constant beeping toy in the girls underwear. I’d never seen it like this before.

As the clock slowly creeped towards closing time, my tireless efforts didn’t seem to make an indent in hurricane recovery. The manager on floor sent over Matt, the boy who was working my department – he finished his peaceful towel folds early and needed work. She must’ve heard my secret pleas as I drowned in AA bras and milk bottles, because she asked him to come help me in kids.

PRAISE THE LORD! I’d never met Matt, but he is a physically able human being that can make my life easier, so I automatically liked him for that reason and that reason alone. As he came over to help me fold boys graphic t’s (sidenote: if you’re one of those people who unfolds every single tee to see what it looks like… you aren’t my friend), we made awkward small talk, typical of two strangers.

“Kids are so messy sometimes” I said with an I-feel-uncomfortable giggle.

“Yeah so are their parents..” Matt said, with the same giggle.

“Hah yeah..” was my witty and conversational comeback.

“Okay.” was his.

In an attempt to start a real conversation, I asked, “Are you into college football?”

“Not really… *3 second pause* Are you into college football?”

“Uh.. not really.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well anyways… if you were… you’d know who my friend Conner is! He just came out as bisexual and is kind of a really big deal in college football right now. You look a lot like him! …But, uhm, not that you look bisexual or anything..”

“Okay…”

“Yeeaaahhh…”

“I’m going to go fold clothes over here….”

And on that note, Matt and I parted ways. Of course people don’t look bisexual, that comment didn’t even make sense! Why did I have to do that? Ugh…

In a few moments our new conversation was beautifully normal. We got to know each other a little better. He’s a really cool kid and pretty smart too! Eventually we both went home and will probably never see each other again, because I am no longer a sales associate at Kohl’s. I am finished with that chapter in my life, and this story is a good example of why that chapter should be over…

Sleepless Nonsense

Hello friends! I am practicing my writing craft. I’d consider this a prose. If you’d like to practice yours, identify the literary devices I use to describe my night, and what makes it relatable. 

“croak. croak. croak. 

Those are the sounds that haunt me on this night. After a timeless day that dragged on forever, I am finally at a time for rest.

‘But wait.’ cried the inner workings of my mind. ‘You don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t know where you’re headed. You’re scared. Think about it. But wait…’

Thoughts cloud my mind. Thoughts of the future, fear, and fantasies of freedom. Thoughts that pantomime claustrophobia. What if I get stuck here? How will I make money? Who will stay in my life and who will be eliminated? But wait.

It’s time to sleep, it’s very late. I can’t escape my own brain in the wee hours before dawn. They are trapped, and threaten that I will be the same. They are trapped and never rest. They are trapped. They have no where to go, so they circle like wolves in the light of a full moon; hungry, waiting to be fed… yet satisfied with the latest accomplishment. Never ceasing to seek what’s next, but never forgetting what happened before. But wait.

Life’s too short to not do something I love. Life’s too long to always do what I love. I will be content with where I am when I am there. I will never be content until I’ve accomplished everything. I will accomplish everything I have set out to do. I will never cease to create new goals. But wait.

These are the thoughts that haunt me at night; clouding my mind, confusing my plans, and heisting my sleep. Round and round and round they go until the sun comes up. These cloudy thoughts burn off with the sun and finally I can rest.

Silence. The croaking has finished, my thoughts are mute. Silence.

It’s time to get up, and begin a new day. Restless nights call for restless days. The wolves and croaks come back in this cycle without fail and rest becomes an elusive figure, an unattainable entity. It becomes unreal. Was it ever real at all?”

So Sorry

Life can be crazy. Hectic, really.

So I’m sorry for my lack in posting lately.

I’m basically Eminem. I was discouraged for a bit… but I’m going to be back. I know this is a lame short little post but I’m just warning you all…

I’m back. Be prepared for crazy.

🙂