Something That I Will Never Understand (FC) (SSR) (PB)

I know a lot of angry people. While I am irritable sometimes, it’s difficult to get me angry, or furious. Anger seems like such an odd emotion… if it can be considered an emotion. Looking at various people that are in my life that I love and care for, there are so many of them who become a different person when they’re angry; they forget who they are and their integrity is left in the dust. They’re filled with a hot rage that transforms them into an unrecognizable vicious monster who says and does things that don’t accurately represent who they are as a person. Their anger is visible, and physically apparent. It is and always will be impossible to understand why this happens when I am not a victim.

In the midst of a conversation with my dad yesterday, we talked about anger. I was upset about someone’s angry actions against me, so I was seeking answers as to how someone could be so vicious and hurtful with their words. He explained it simply, like it was something so obvious that everyone is aware of. To him, anger takes over him like a literal physical feeling. There’s nothing he can do to stop it, like an asthma attack. This was hard for me to digest, because when I get angry, I cry. I HATE that I cry… but I do. Sometimes I can be spiteful and rebuttal hurtful and sassy words, but most of the time, I simply cry, and can’t say anything. So I cry, but I don’t go into The Hulk rage I-want-to-smash-everything mode.

Anger can come out in everyone in different ways. Some people are sarcastic and straight up rude when they’re angry, others become physical and seek to smash something, anything. My mother and I cry, others become silent and withdrawn. I will never understand why some can become so mean when they’re angry, and likewise they’ll never understand why I cry. One’s reaction to something doesn’t always makes sense to everyone, but everyone can at least be aware of the fact that someone handles things differently than they do.

So I’ll never understand vicious violent anger. They’ll never understand why I burst into tears when I’m angry. I believe the reason that I do this is because I’m more frustrated, feeling stuck and hurt, not necessarily angry. But again… I’ll never understand the other side.

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