There She Goes Again… (FC)

I’m very hungry and have a craving for something very specific.

Any guesses?

No, it’s NOT Oreos, but good try!

But yes, it is the infamous quesadilla made by yours truly. I am totally craving a cheesy, slightly crunchy, delicious quesadilla. Mmmm. Quesadillas are definitely a main component of my diet, which probably isn’t good for my health but yolo, right?

Thinking about this current craving, I got to thinking about my life, and a conversation that I had with Brian last night. Trust me, this thought process makes sense! I got to thinking about predictability. Am I seriously that predictable? Is it obvious that those two foods mentioned above are my “go-to” items for delight and a full tummy? Can everyone predict when I’d say something and how I’d say it? I feel like the answer is yes.

I’ve never really wanted to be seen as “predictable.” That word just seemed to be a fun-sucker; it seemed bland. The image that I portray of myself has never been described as bland and I never want that to be the case. But thinking about it, I do lead a predictable life.

Brian made a joke to me in the midst of our conversation last night. I laughed, a simple ha-ha-ha. Then Brian laughed a little, and without further ado, I laughed another simple ha-ha-ha. He then said, “You know, you always do that. You laugh at something, pause, and then laugh again.” I replied with disbelief! Who in the world notices something like that? I said, “Do I really?” and he responded like I should know this obvious predictable thing about myself. “Well, yeah. Always.”

What! No way. But as I pondered that, he was totally right. I do that nearly every time. Small laugh, quick pause, small laugh. When asking him if I am “predictable,” his response was comforting. He defined my predictable qualities as “quirks,” and that only people who are around a lot or that know someone extremely well will know their quirks and be able to predict them. This gave me comfort knowing that I was quirky; I kind of liked the idea of being quirky… Until I realized something. He basically just told me that I am predictable to the people that I am around a lot.

I realized this as  I craved my quesadilla tonight. If I asked someone in my immediate family or a close friend or even a twitter follower to guess what I’m craving, there’s no doubt that their initial guess would be Oreos, and their second guess would be  a quesadilla. Anyone with access to my life or my twitter knows this quirk about me, therefore seemingly transforming it from a quirk to a common fact. It’s easy to predict what my craving is.

When I was in the seventh grade, I developed a very bad habit. While I ate, I would take my left hand and swipe my fingers lightly on my left shoulder twice in between bites. No matter what I was eating, this odd, sub-consious motion would take place, without fail. One day, Ari pointed it out to me. Ever since then, my friends joke about this weird habit that I had and poke fun at it, but my point is that they knew it. They knew that I would do that post-bite, regardless of anything else going on. It became predictable that I would do this odd thing.

But not everyone would be able to predict this odd habit by just knowing me. They would probably have to eat with me multiple times, like my friends did everyday at lunch before being able to predict this motion post-bite. The same is true with many other habits and mannerisms that I’ve latched onto.

So here is the conclusion I have come to. I am not predictable to the general public. The general public doesn’t know me personally enough to recognize these quirks. But I am predictable to anyone who knows me decently well. My quirks are habitual and very obvious if around me enough. Many who know me well would say that I make a funny noise in my sleep by smacking my lips, or that I only use the upstairs bathroom in my house. They would say that that I typically do not lock my car, or that I say “important” like “imporent.” Therefore, I am only predictable to those who have taken time to acknowledge my quirks.

I’m going to go make that quesadilla now.


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