And I Stormed Away… (CRR)

Ugh. It’s 7:20 already?! I guess I can roll out of bed and stumble my way into jazz band. Why do I do jazz band anyways? I hate getting up early. My bed is so comfortable right now… why wasn’t it this comfortable last night when I couldn’t sleep? Maybe it would help if I hadn’t gotten in bed so late. But it’s so hard when there’s so much expected of me and I can never disappoint. I had to finish my assignments and practice my dances! Maybe I can doze for another five minutes or so…

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Alright. 7:30. A little over five minutes… but that’s okay! I can just get ready really fast. This shower will be one of the fastest showers ever! Shampoo, shampoo, shampoo… condition… wash my bod… aaaand face. Okay! Five minute shower, done. Time to find a matching outfit. Alright, these jeans don’t have any spots on them, and this shirt doesn’t smell funny. Oh, I better brush my teeth. Having bad breath all day is the worst. Whew! 7:54. Better leave soon so I can be in class and ready to go by 8:05. You know, I should start waking up earlier… then I wouldn’t be in such a rush every morning. Those extra 10 minutes really didn’t do anything. Again… why do I do jazz band? I hate waking up to go to a class where I just get yelled at. The constant nagging of how awful I am at playing the saxophone is really frustrating. We are a first place jazz band! That must mean we don’t all suck TOO bad… right?

Well… here I am. Outside the school at 8:03. Better hurry up, or I’ll get marked tardy. For a 0 period band class. Why am I here? What an awful start to my day. AND it’s raining! The worst! Running through the lake in the parking lot always soaks my feet. Awful. Wow, I am just in a negative mood today. Being more positive about everything should start now so that the rest of today isn’t as sad. Okay. Positive mode activated.

Oh shoot, everyone is already out on the stage… am I late? Not again… Okay, awkward. They’re all just staring at me. Grab my stand, grab my chair, grab my music… walk. Walk of shame to my place in the jazz band. I’m all about that second alto life. Why is Nick looking at me funny? He’s always there on time. Go him! That’s why he’s the first alto. Hm. I wonder where Abe is! I guess it’s only 8:09. He’ll show up soon.

“Good morning jazz banditos! Let’s get up A Warm Breeze. And a one and a two…”

Playing. Oh shoot, that was supposed to be an F sharp. I finally hit that rhythm correct, yes!!! Oh.. but I missed that one. Look! Abe! Oh I’m so glad Abe is here. He makes this whole jazz thing not so bad. And I least I wasn’t as late as him. You know, every morning that I actually show up here, Abe brightens my mood. We joke around with each other a bit and do small little dances in our seats when we aren’t playing, which makes me feel a lot better about the fact that I’m here. Why am I here? At least Abe is here too.

“Alright, get up Blues in Hoss Flat. Trumpets, you mess this up every single time. Learn your part, you guys are supposed to be the good band…”

Playing. Wow this sounds pretty darn good. Dancing with Abe. Small swing left, small swing right and stare at Abe. Small swing left, small swing right and stare at Abe. Good thing we only do this when we’re resting, otherwise that’d be hard to play.

Music stops. We were cut off by the HUGE arm movements and angry red face glaring at us. What’s wrong? Why does he look so mad? I guess he gets mad about a lot of things and I see that look a lot… but usually it’s directed at the trumpets. Why is he glaring right at me? Why am I here?

“Erin!!!” Okay.. so it is directed at me…
“Yes..?” Crap… I hate this feeling. My face needs to stop telling everyone when I’m embarrassed. I hate that awful warm sensation creeping up my cheeks letting me know that I am uncomfortable.
“I cannot believe you. All you do is screw off in this class and I have had enough of it. If you do dumb things like that in class, you will do them in the performance-”
“Well I-” Tears are building… but I won’t let them well up. I won’t let them fall.
“Ah! Don’t interrupt. You are distracting to the whole band and aren’t paying any attention at all. You are always late and I need to you step it up. You are not being productive to this class and need to stop distracting.”
“No, that won’t happen in the performance. I have done this all year and have never-”
“No you always do. Just stop.”
I’m leaving. I can’t take this embarrassment, especially because it’s uncalled for. Sure, Abe and I have a little fun in class and I’m a couple minutes late every now and then… But is that reason to call someone out in front of their entire class and yell about how they’re a distraction all of the time. I was so frustrated. But at least he didn’t see my angry tears. Why am I here?

Really…. Why am I here? I’m leaving. In between 0 and 1st period, I’m out. I’ll just run out to my car and drive away because I can’t take another band class with him today. Why is today going so horribly?

And that’s exactly what I did. I left school, talked to my mom, and came back for 2nd period.

Ps this teacher apologized the next day for his outburst and recognized that his actions, words, and tone were all uncalled for, especially at that time and place. He realized that he didn’t have a reason to be upset with me OR call me out in front of everyone. I then received a side hug and we were cool… Until the next time. The question of why I was there can be answered like this: he asked me to be there. And so I was. I hope you’ll be pleased to hear that I am no longer enrolled in jazz band at HHS. Go hawks. 🙂

Pps I am writing this as I sit outside of Music World in Battle Ground. I was purchasing a lyre for my saxophone and a technique book for my flute, being the wonderful, on-top-of-it, band student that i am. In the midst of this, my keys somehow managed to get trapped inside my car and I am trapped outside of it. The joys of doing dumb things. Karma maybe? 😉

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