Learning How to Cope (FC)

It’s hard to lose things. Sometimes we lose things like our favorite sweater, or our childhood blanket; sometimes we lose things like our grandmother who made the best food ever, or the dog we’ve been through everything with. As humans, we go through a similar process when beginning to move on from loss. It’s been told over and over in health class. First is denial, then anger, bargaining, depression, then finally: acceptance of loss. Clearly it’s a process to get to that point, and unfortunately, some never make it there.

As we go through senior year, I know we will all be feeling like we’re losing all we’ve known and we’ve all talked about it tons. That’s not what this post is about. This post is about giving up my passion simply because of circumstance and planning. Because I’m a senior, clearly I’ve had to make choices in what I’d like to pursue or discontinue. I’ve had to decided to give up certain things because I simply do not have the time and because there are other things I’d rather pursue. But this post isn’t about those things, either. This is about ‘choices’ forced upon me simply because I go to Hockinson High School.

As I go through the spring season, don’t be surprised to see me sulking a little after school; don’t be shocked when I’m creeping on the rehearsals taking place in the MPR. Having to drop drama completely from my life was not a choice I’ve made willingly. I found my passion for acting during my freshman year, when I was cast as Lieutenant Rooney in Mackenzie Treu’s senior project play. It was about my second week at school and decided to stop by open auditions and see what drama club was all about. When I made the cast list, I was so excited. I did not have a large role. In fact, I was only involved in the third act, but I was still excited nonetheless. Diving into my sophomore year, there was no open audition play. Talking to Mr. Jackam a bit, he somehow convinced me to drop my beloved ASB to take up his musical theater class during the second semester, so that I could be involved then. That was definitely one of the greatest moves I have ever made.

That year was so amazing. I somehow landed the role of Nancy in “Oliver!” and was more ecstatic than you’d believe. Being on stage give me this weird adrenaline rush that I cannot describe. Under the lights, I become someone else. That year, I became a woman who felt worthless and like no one would love her. She was motherly, nurturing, and definitely under appreciated. I became an 1800’s prostitute. That was me, spring of 2012. (For you drama kids reading this… I played a lot of monopoly! 😉 )

Realizing what a passion I had for acting and singing on stage, I just HAD to join Mr. Jackam and the musical theater class in their production of How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying. While under the lights in this show, I became a fierce woman that all other woman envied. They envied my every curve and how the men would drool when they saw me. I became power-hungry, and thrived on involving myself personally with professional men. In other words, I became the office hussy. My voice was ear-splitting and my body was a showcase. (Good thing it was made of rice! 😉 another reference for the drama kids.) My name was Hedy LaRue and there was no way I’d be convinced that I was anyone else while up on that stage.

Unfortunately, I will never have that opportunity again. Due to being in a small school, my academics must be of higher priority that my “silly hobbies.” For some odd reason, one of my AP classes happens to be scheduled right when musical theater is. How lame! But that was okay, because Mr. Jackam and I had a plan on how I could be involved in the production of My Fair Lady that we planned to present in the spring. Solid! I was so excited. Little did I know that while I was at work crew (out of cell and internet service), Mr. Jackam was blessed with an amazing opportunity that he couldn’t refuse and left Hockinson. Everything changed. I got a phone call asking me to step down from my Vice Presidency of the drama club, because I wasn’t able to be a part of the class. On that same call, I was informed that there was no possible way for me to be involved in HHS drama unless I found a way into that class.

I know this may sound silly and may not seem like a big deal to most people, but in drama, I finally found something that I loved. Finally, something that made me incredibly happy and proud of what I was doing. The people involved in drama are some of the nicest kids you’ll meet; we don’t put each other down, but constantly build each other up and support one another on stage, because we see ourselves as a team. A dramily. While I’m involved in many other things, I must be honest in saying that drama was that one thing that I considered to be my thing. For some, that thing is band. For others, it’s basketball. Or cheerleading. Or robotics. Think about what your thing is. Now imagine having to lose that your senior year. Senior year is supposed to be the best, and the year that we finally get all we’ve ever wanted… right?

I’m hoping that I’ll soon be at the point of accepting my loss. I’m struggling to cope with the concept that I’m excluded from theater, but I’m looking ahead with hope. In the future, I’m hoping to do theater somewhere else. I don’t know what that looks like or where that will be, but I know that I want to do it. There’s no way God would bless me with such a love and passion for something just to make sure that there’s no way I can be a part of it ever again. As I’m coping with this reality of this year, my goal is that I will look back on HHS drama with memories that don’t make me sad that it’s over, but make me glad it happened.

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2 thoughts on “Learning How to Cope (FC)

  1. The dramily has suffered a huge blow this year with the loss of Mr. Jackam. It affects us all and sadly so many members have had to leave us. You will be missed dearly and dramily is forever<3

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