Never Look A Dead Opossum In The Eye… (FC)

KEY:
D-Crew: Erin B., Michaela G., Alissa C. and Anna M.
Mouse House: The home of Erin Bell
G-Unit (on this particular night): Nick B., Colton P., Dominic F., Jess K., and Casey T.

It had been quite a long time since the D-Crew gathered together. A few months I’d say. After cheering at the Shiner/All-Star game or working or visiting with friends on Saturday, July 13th, the D-Crew FINALLY gathered at the Mouse House. When we all got showed up, the four of us sat down and caught up with one another. Granted, we’re pretty much in constant communication via text, but there are some things that can’t be said over text and it was just delightful to be with my girls having a good time.

A typical D-Crew sleepover becomes uncomfortable. It becomes uncomfortable in the sense that conversational topics get very tense because we all feel passionately about a lot of things. That being said, we were avoiding our classic awkward by trying to think of something to do. Like girls do, we were texting, and Anna suddenly gets a call from Jess. The G-Unit was chillin’ over at Krahn’s house! They wanted us to come over and chill with them. Awesome! We have something to do! Unfortunately, I had to politely decline because it was 1am and a guy-gal chill sesh at 1am is frowned upon by the general public… and some of our boyfriends who weren’t with the G-Unit. Like Brian #2. Everyone was a little miffed about it at first, but then the D-Crew had a collective stroke of pure genius: Prank them.

Most people have taken part in pranking another person or group at one point in time; there are good pranks, bad pranks, prank fails, prank successes… and then there are the pranks that make you think, “Why on God’s green earth would that come to mind as an acceptable idea..?!” Be prepared to think that.

So picture this: The D-crew hopped into Michaela’s car with a medium-sized TV and a long extension cord. We drove to WinCo Foods, because who else is open at 1:30am? When we arrived, we ran inside, and purchased some mini doughnuts and 20 tall garbage bags. Looking at our ingredients, do you have any idea of what comes next? As we go to purchase these items, Anna decided that we need some outside help, so she asks the cashier, “Hello, have you seen any dead road kill lately?” With a confused look and caught-off-guard tone, he responded, “Um, well, I think I saw some out on 117th over there… Why do you ask?” To which we responded, “It’s for a prank. Don’t worry about it.” And we left him, confused and tired.

We began driving, thinking that we were so clever and funny. As we’re driving away from WinCo, we begin to hunt for road kill. To get a better view, my head ended up out the window singing, “Oh where are you roooaaaddd killlll….” and finally, we breezed by two opossums. And this is what happened.

“MICHAELA! STOP THE CAR!”
“Ew guys are we seriously doing this..? I kinda thought we were kidding.”
“NOPE STOP THE CAR!”
“EW no! That’s gross…”
*Erin and Anna swing open the doors and hop out of the car with the roll of garbage bags.*
“Erin, you touch it.”
“No, Anna, you! I hope it’s actually dead. Poke it.”
“Kick it. There is so much blood…”
“I KICKED IT, IT’S DEAD EW EW EW!”
“Alright, just lay the bag down… okay now take another bag and I’ll roll it in – EW OH MY GOSH!”
“WE GOT IT! WE HAVE IT! IT’S IN THIS BAG!!!!”

We get back to the car and Michaela is gagging, vomit crawling up her throat. She made me hold the bag out the window because, “That thing better not be in the car…” We proceeded to drive to the high school, put about six more bags around this opossum, and drove to the Krahn’s house (We hit ANOTHER opossum on the way there…). Alissa and Michaela stopped a bit away from Krahn’s, and Anna and I got out with the TV and opossum. We trekked to their house and managed to set up the TV while Michaela and Alissa found discreet parking and brought the extension cord. We tied to opossum to the basketball hoop and turned the TV (which is literally in the middle of the yard) to a static screen… and waited.

As we hid behind the bush waiting for them to notice, we called Jess’s home phone and breathed. Just breathed. It’s 2:30am and finally the boys come outside and see our creation. The G-Unit was impressed with the TV, and then they saw the bag. Their thoughts? “Maybe the girls came by and left us food!” “Oh, it kinda feels like they pooped in this bag and left it. And it smells real bad.”

*Bag gets ripped open. Blood spills on the ground.*

Profanities are FLYING. The G-Unit was in hysterics because there was a dead animal hanging in a bag outside of Jess’s house. We were hysterically laughing behind a bush. The boys scurried inside and locked up the house, leaving the animal and the TV there.

To get their attention back, we split up and started banging on the windows. It just so happened that the window I banged on was their “watch window” and I basically smacked Casey in the face. Once the banging started, the lights flicked on, the boys all popped up (in nothing but boxers, of course) and all I hear is, “GRAB THE GUN!”

To sum it up, we ended up revealing ourselves and then as an act of apology, we gave them mini doughnuts and said sorry for being so darn scary. We had a delightful half of an hour together and the D-Crew retreated back to the Mouse House.

I felt impressive for sure.

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